I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
