Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
