dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
