The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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