Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it penis luge time yet?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
