I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
