if only i could text you this smell
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
