Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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