She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
