i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
