If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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