i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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