and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
