Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
