Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
