hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
