I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
