I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
