there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
