I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
