I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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