I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
