Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
