Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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