D3 body, D1 cock
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
