Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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