if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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