biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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