I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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