Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
