I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
