I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
