so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
