Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
