She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
