I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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