Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
