did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
