I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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