Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
