Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
