im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
