Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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