walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize