I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
