Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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