If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
