Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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