he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
