I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
