yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize