smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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