hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
