Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your dad touched me again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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