chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
