I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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