Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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