You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
