Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
