Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Green mimosas i think yes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
