I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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