Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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