my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
