The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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