you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
