U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
