dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
