C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
