i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
