lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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