First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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