I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
