Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
