Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bring money and cleavage
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
