she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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