are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think my vagina is haunted
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
