so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
