I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
