It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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